Shark Attack Nom Nom Nom

What's happening in the world of fatal shark attacks? Well, so far this year there's been fatal shark attacks in (not actually 'in' but you know what I mean) Egypt (tourists...nom nom), Australia (surfers...nom nom, dude) and the Seychelles (some poor guy on his honeynom...er...moon...nom nom nom).
And you'd think that would be enough for most people, particularly when there's a big fucking sign on the beach which says something like, 'There's Big-Assed Fish In The Water And They Will Eat You" but no. So imagine the shock Michael Cohen got today when a Great White bit off one of his legs.
Yes, there were signs on Foeerhoerk Breerchoer Beach (Afrikaans for 'Big Assed Fish In Water And They Will Eat You) in Soof Afreeca warning that a Great White had been spotted 'cruising up and down, just out there in the sea a bit, it's fucking huge and it's looking particularly hungry' but Michael decided that it would never happen to him, just in the same way you put your cock and balls into a blender and turn it on with a self-assurance that it's only other people who put their cock and balls into a blender then turn it on who have their cock and balls instantly and blindingly painfully liquidised sort-of-way...
The shark was quoted as saying 'Michael was only a third rate surfer but a first class second course...nom nom'. AND what's he going to tell his missus? She'll probably go off on one about 'I told you so the fucking signs nag nag nag' then start crying when she remembers she's just bought him a new pair of Nike's. Anyway, I'm sure Michael will be able to sell his Nike's on e-Bay, as well as all the surfing gear the shark didn't manage to eat...